I recently realized that I've been avoiding writing for quite some time. I'd start to jot some notes down in my phone, or open up my laptop, but I just haven't felt motivated to follow through. It's not that I'm lacking words--their persistence chokes me sometimes. I've just not wanted to see them staring back at me. Writing and publishing them to the world brings them to life and sometimes, well, that's just too heavy.
Despite my love for expression through writing, I've found solace in withdrawing from it for a bit. In fact, I think it's healthy from time-to-time. Instead of writing, I've been doing a lot of meditating, praying, and internal pep talking. During these times, I've really felt God nudging me to look outside of myself. So, I did.
What I found was the presence of great need, mostly within the cancer community, for healing, prayers, and connection. I've obediently been serving where I can, but it has brought on a heaviness that I was unprepared for. It's like taking on all of their pain and fears, but not knowing what to do with it. Heck, sometimes I don't even know what to do with my own. So, I started collecting it all.
Like any other fed collection, it continued to grow until the seams were bursting, so I've made the decision that I just don't need to keep anymore stuff. Hanging onto sadness, fear, etc.--all the emotions surging through my body--once I've given it up to God in prayer, isn't organic or healthy.
We're not meant to experience our circumstances, or those of others, over and over again. Our flesh cannot withstand the weight of it all. Instead, we are to pray without ceasing, trust that God is working, and from there, find peace and rest for our souls.
So, my prayers and pep talks will continue, but with God, I'll no longer be hoarding the weight of the world.
I encourage you all to drop your stuff at the feet of Jesus and not attempt to pick it back up.
Love & Sunblock